Employment Lawyer Blog

If you or someone you love has recently encountered a workplace violation - like racial discrimination or sexual harassment - you may be bombarded with advice how to rectify the situation and, possibly, hold the wrongdoer accountable. Whether a boss said something lascivious about your workplace attire, or a co-worker forwarded you something ghastly and inappropriate in an email, you want tools and ways of processing this unwanted event that empower you and protect your rights.

One very interesting method for dealing is a process called Nonviolent Communication. Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, a widely respected psychologist and peace negotiator, who has helped warring Rwandan tribes and Palestinians and Israelis negotiate with one another, developed this model of communication to help people resolve conflicts. Rosenberg claims his methodology helps people in conflict focus on their feelings and needs instead of on guilt, shame, and recrimination. In two blog posts, we will discuss a little bit about how the nonviolent communication approach might be deployed to help victims of harassment.

Let's consider a hypothetical situation in which a vice president at a telecommunications company encounters his secretary in the break room and makes comment, such as, "Wow, you look smokin' in that outfit." What might you do? Here are some typical reactions:

• "Give as well as you get" - either "harass" your boss back, insult him, or act in some kind of aggressive way;
• Say nothing but take your complaint to a higher authority, such as HR, to stop the behavior and, possibly, inflict penalties;
• Say nothing and "take it" and hope it goes away;

These solutions may work to make your workplace more comfortable; the sexual harassment may stop. But they all have potential drawbacks. For instance, if you "give as you get," you may only encourage the bad behavior. Alternatively, if you go to a higher authority to solve the problem, you could successfully end the annoying behavior, but you might set back your relationship with your boss. Simply absorbing it could make you stressed and may cause you to "explode" at some later time. Not reacting at all might also be construed as complicit acceptance of the unwanted behavior.

Nonviolent communication suggests two alternative ways to deal with the problem:

1. One involves expressing your own feelings and needs;
2. The other involves listening and empathizing with the boss's feelings and needs.

These two strategies can be deployed simultaneously, and you can shift from one to the other. But you might be surprised at how much more effective this nonviolent communication approach can be not just in terms of ending the harassment, but also in terms of "saving face" for everyone, maintaining a positive, constructive workplace, and even helping you and your boss both grow from the experience in dynamic ways.

In our next post on this topic, we will delve into nonviolent communication tactics to solve situations differently. We'll also give you more resources to explore this alternative philosophy.

If you need immediate assistance with an issue like sexual harassment, racial discrimination, gender discrimination, or any other workplace conflict, connect with the attorneys at Joseph & Kirschenbaum at 866-348-7394, or learn more about the team at www.jhllp.com.

According to the New York Advocate, 23-year-old Priscilla Agosto has sued People's Choice Realty in Brooklyn for subjecting her to sexual harassment, racial discrimination, and even death threats. Agosto worked for the real estate office for 14 months, during which time she allegedly encountered truly sickening types of abuse. Mickey Berlianshik, a co-owner of a company, allegedly offered to pay her $60 for oral sex "because all Puerto Rican girls are good at it." Richard Berlianshik, another co-owner, supposedly groped her and "and exposed himself and urinated in front of her as she was cleaning a bathroom in the office. He would also show her photos of naked women, asking her to kiss the photographs."

A third man at the company offered to pay Agosto $500 to watch him have sex with his girlfriend. Another employee scared her with a death threat, allegedly, saying that "He would get rid of anyone threatening the company, adding that he didn't have a problem killing anyone."

Not every case of New York City sexual harassment is as replete with graphic and scary allegations. But you might be surprised by how many heartrending stories are out there involving innocent young workers being subjected to horrific mistreatment, including discrimination, harassment, and wage and hour violations.

One question that readers might have is: if Agosto was so horribly mistreated, why didn't she leave the firm earlier or seek help earlier?

This is a natural question to ask.

If human beings operated by a strictly rational calculus, Agosto's behavior (staying at an office where she was being so horribly mistreated) wouldn't make sense. But human beings are naturally socially conservative, in the sense that they try to avoid "making waves." We seek to fit in whenever possible.

Victims also can grow inured to harassment and abuse. Had Agosto, on her first day of work, been groped or solicited for sex, chances are she would have run away screaming. But after she acclimated to the office, maybe it was more difficult for her to get help and escape the situation.

Fortunately, good resources abound, and you don't have to fight this battle on your own. The compassionate, aggressive, very experienced team at Joseph & Kirschenbaum will help you and provide a free and confidential consultation. Explore more firm resources at www.jhllp.com, or call us any time at 866-348-7394 to schedule a time to speak with us.